No Sketchy “Pickup” Moves Needed
Success with women is not about looks, money or “pickup” tricks. Here’s the secret, in eight simple words. Ready?
Be your most authentic self — and take action.
To elaborate, let me tell you about Ken.When I met him, Ken was 25 and still a virgin. He’d never even kissed a girl. The thing is, he had a lot going for him: a good teaching job at an East Coast college, total respect for women, and a deep knowledge of ancient-Greek literature. (Most guys can quote Homer Simpson. Ken can quote Homer’s Odyssey.)
But he was chubby and short — think Jonah Hill — and he always ended up in the “friend zone.” So Ken told himself a story: Girls just aren’t into me.
If you lack confidence with women, your dating life suffers, and if your dating life suffers, you lack confidence with women. It’s an insidious cycle.
But Ken was ready to change, so he asked me to coach him. I couldn’t wait, because I’d been where he was. I used to be shy and dateless. I felt unworthy of women, so I walked through the world with a girl-shaped hole in my chest.
I finally said “enough!” and I spent years working with top dating and self-development coaches to create a true transformation. And then I became a dating coach myself so I could help good guys attract amazing women — and with total integrity.
Ken had read The Game, so he assumed he’d be taking on a pickup-artist alter ego (complete with flashy clothes for “peak-cocking”) and using button-pushing tactics, all to get women into bed.
No, I told him. There’s a better way. You can attract amazing women just by being your best self.
It’s about authenticity. “Girls like you for you,” I said. “Don’t hide who you are. Amplify it. Women love men who can be real and authentic.
After giving him some field-tested techniques and powerful mindsets to glide his path, I sent him out to the bars and clubs of New York City. He was anxious at first, but on this third night out something shifted. As he chatted with women, he stood taller, talked louder and laughed more. He had deep conversations with girls about Plato and Aristotle. At one point, a brainy NYU grad student grabbed his iPhone, punched in her number and insisted he take her out.
And later that night, something wonderful happened.
On a rooftop bar in Manhattan’s Meatpacking District, Ken saw a Gwyneth Paltrow lookalike in a short, yellow dress. He approached her.
There was instant chemistry. They talked and had drinks. Then he went for it. He leaned in … and up (she had four inches on him) and they kissed.
His first kiss EVER — and with a beautiful woman.
Ken was levitating afterward, but I think I enjoyed that kiss even more than he did. It’s so moving to see a good guy shed self-doubt and learn that girls like him for who he is.
It’s an age-old question: What’s the secret to success with women? How do you get the girl?
- Rom-coms tell you to be a borderline stalker, going all John Cusack-with-a-boom-box. Wrong.
- Madison Avenue says the right sports car and some Axe Body Spray will do the trick. Wrong.
- “Pickup” coaches tell you to make it about YOU, be a narcissistic alpha-asshole, and show her who’s boss. Wrong.
The truth is, you can have incredible dating success — models, actresses, the dream-girl next door — if you work on yourself, learn a few key concepts, and then take action.
Over the last nine years, I’ve traveled the world to study the art and psychology of male-female attraction. I’ve met thousands of girls and coached hundreds of guys. Here are 15 truths I’ve learned about what REALLY works with women.
1: ANY GUY CAN GET GOOD WITH GIRLS
Maybe you feel the way I used to. Maybe you think you lack the looks, money or status to attract women. Maybe an invisible force seems to keep you from approaching that stunner at Starbucks. Maybe you feel imprisoned in the “friend zone.” Maybe you run out of things to say. Or maybe you feel you’re just not “that guy” girls go for, so you settle or you don’t date at all.
I’ve been there. I lived there. I owned vast tracts of real estate there.
Those thoughts and beliefs are fictions, not facts. They’re mental cul-de-sacs made from false assumptions. Take Ken. He’d told himself a story: that he was rejected by an entire gender. Then he took action and unearthed new evidence that let him rewrite the script. It went from a horror movie to a romance, with him the lead actor.
Something I’ve learned training with Tony Robbins coaches: When the story you tell yourself is empowering, you take action. You can chat up women anywhere. You can unlock your natural masculinity and charisma and create genuine chemistry with wonderful women. You can finally stop hearing “Let’s be friends” and start hearing “Let’s go to your place.” All while being the REAL you, not some persona.
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