She kept throwing food at me. I was 19 and bought two tuna bagel sandwiches for myself for breakfast. That was the way I rolled.
We were arguing. She took a sandwich out of my hands and threw it all over the street. Tuna everywhere. I bet the Old Man and the Sea never knew he was catching tuna, just so it could lie dead in pieces in the street because of my ex. Everyone was watching and sort of laughing. I bet everyone was thinking, "He's the man!"
No. Scratch that. More like: "What a loser." Or "thank god that isn't us." I think I wanted to die.
Then there was the time in the movie theater. I had a large popcorn. I didn't want her to touch the popcorn until the movie started. I'd get very upset if popcorn was started before the movie. So I said to her when she reached for it, "No!"
She took the popcorn out of my hands and threw it all over the theater.
If I could say "Advice to myself at 21," would I avoid her? Of course not. Without her, maybe now I would still be with a woman who threw my food everywhere.
I gradually started improving what my line was in terms of what I could handle in a relationship.
"I don't want someone who throws my food everywhere." This became rule #1.
Over the next 20 years I felt I got better and better. Sometimes I slipped. But mostly I got better. But it took 20 years.
I wish I could go back and tell myself one thing: nothing is going to change for you tomorrow. Diets don't work tomorrow. But every diet works. Habits don't change in a day. But 1% a day makes every habit work. Every.
The reason is: they work if you do a little each day. If you relax and give yourself permission to only improve a little each day, then a good habit works. It's permission to improve. It's also permission to fail. Because when you first start something, you're on day one.
If you want to succeed at anything, you have to give yourself permission to fail twice as much as you thought you would.
If you insist: I need to change RIGHT NOW — then it won't work. You'll only get worse. If you insist the habit changes tomorrow, then the habit will certainly fail. Coolio, the rapper, wrote lyrics every day for 17 years before having a hit. Commander Hadfield, the astronaut, improved his skills every day for 20 years before getting into space. Kurt Vonnegut wrote every day for 25 years before he had a major bestseller.
Even Mozart, despite being a prodigy, wrote music for 10 years every day before becoming a true master.
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