There’s a hidden mechanism that creates unhappiness, difficulty changing habits, relationship problems, frustration, anger, and disappointment.
Barely anyone is aware of this hidden mechanism, even though it’s happening all the time, in all of us.
It’s the stories we tell ourselves.
We do it all day long; we tell ourselves a story about what’s happening in our lives, about other people, about ourselves. When I call them “stories” that doesn’t mean they’re false, or that they aren’t based on the truth. It just means we’ve constructed a narrative based on our experiences, a perspective on the world around us, an interpretation of facts as we see them. Not false, but not necessarily the entire truth — just one perspective.
A different person could look at the same situation and tell a very different situation.
A few examples:
You might have a story about how your boss is very supportive and praises you a lot, which means you are doing a good job and like your work environment, and this story makes you happy. Another person might look at the same situation and tell a story about how the work area is messy and people are always interrupting him and he’s tired and the clients are rude and smelly.
You might be upset with your spouse because she was rude to you or didn’t clean up her messes for the last few days. Another person might have the same experience but tell themselves a story about how his spouse has been working hard at her job, has gone out of her way to cook a nice meal for you, and is tired and needs some comforting.
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