Are you looking to live a life of happiness? If you answered yes, then you are looking at the question incorrectly.
Happiness is an ethereal goal that constantly seems to evade most people. In fact, happiness is not a goal; rather, it’s a fleeting state of being that we drift in and out of. If we are lucky, we can relish the moments of happiness in our lives and capture them for later in our memories.
The problem with seeking happiness as a goal is that it often relies on external circumstances. We look at others and compare ourselves to them and then our brain releases chemicals that boost or suppress our mood. And we call this happiness.
Before we can look to living a life of happiness, it’s useful to review and see what stops us from being happy in the first place. By systematically removing these obstacles or mental models that we create for ourselves, we have a path by which we can move towards happiness, or at least a state of contentment.
Your Desires Do Not Match Your Reality
The difference between your desires and your current situation acts like an elastic band. Imagine that you have a goal and your current situation is very far off from the goal. This distance is like a rubber band stretched with a lot of tension. Add to this the identity you’ve created around achieving this goal. This tension is a huge cause of stress, unhappiness, and often a lack of motivation.
Action:
Relax your desires and place less focus on them. Understand you are doing what you need to do to move towards those desires and they will eventually bear fruit. You can also create smaller steps to bridge this gap and gain some wins as you move towards your bigger goals. If the gap is too large between you and your desires, you’ll end up giving up on them — so set stop gaps and wins you can cherish on your journey as stepping stone goals.
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